how to prevent rape
Dec. 1st, 2005 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mercifulserpentA lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.
Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend, whom you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.
Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can help yourself.
If you agree, re-post it. It's that important.
--
from a bunch of other people. i'm not posting this because i agree with it... i'm posting it because i'd like more people's opinions on it then just my own. i mean, i KNOW what i think, which is that the list is troubling in its gendering of sexual assault, in the way it ascribes a rape culture to men, and in the way that it strips away agency from individuals. i agree with the idea; rape is never okay, and people shouldn't rape other people.
in terms of my own opinion... my kids will be enrolled in self defense classes as soon as they're old enough to take them safely, regardless of their gender identity. the world is a dangerous place, but it doesn't have to be a scary one, and i think that part of making that distinction is based on a sense of agency in terms of being aware of one's own safety, and one's own bodily rights.
Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.
Instead of that bullshit, how about:
If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend, whom you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.
If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.
Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can help yourself.
If you agree, re-post it. It's that important.
--
from a bunch of other people. i'm not posting this because i agree with it... i'm posting it because i'd like more people's opinions on it then just my own. i mean, i KNOW what i think, which is that the list is troubling in its gendering of sexual assault, in the way it ascribes a rape culture to men, and in the way that it strips away agency from individuals. i agree with the idea; rape is never okay, and people shouldn't rape other people.
in terms of my own opinion... my kids will be enrolled in self defense classes as soon as they're old enough to take them safely, regardless of their gender identity. the world is a dangerous place, but it doesn't have to be a scary one, and i think that part of making that distinction is based on a sense of agency in terms of being aware of one's own safety, and one's own bodily rights.
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no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 01:33 pm (UTC)"Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone" also implies a mentality and culture of rape among men.
Thirdly, asking women to be careful in risky situations isn't "bullshit"- it actually does prevent rape in real life.
Just thought I'd share my thoughts, since I was suprised you'd post this.
-T
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 02:20 pm (UTC)on the one hand, i do like the idea; as a basic rule, people shouldn't rape other people, and women shouldn't have to think defensively. but then i'm like, wishes don't make the world go round, and neiher do ideals. asking someone to take agency in defense of their own safety isn't the same as blaming them. self defense and an awareness of one's surroundings is never bullshit.
remember i told you that one of the ways childhood sexual assault survivors sometimes sublimate their memories of assault is through the alien attack dreams, and how i said that was the scariest thing ever to me, because how can you defend yourself against aliens? you'd have to just be afraid? to me, that's what it feels like this thing is saying. all the steps you can take are dumb; the only thing you can do is insist the aliens don't come back.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 02:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 02:34 pm (UTC)i think that the media does to an extent fetishize violence and sex, but it's not just men watching the tv, and using those images to construct an idea about what arousal looks and feels like, and how important consent is.
anyways, i got this in a couple of emails, and wanted to see if i was wacky for finding it somewhat troubling.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 02:57 pm (UTC)The media fetishizes violence and sex, but I can't think of an incident of fetishization of rape, which is different (though I'm sure it happens). And your point about viewers is a good one- the media is dictated to some extent by the consumers, and as you told me recently, rape fantasies are highly reported by both genders.
On gendering rape:
Yes, this post does do that. That's problematic enough (and very common), but I believe it goes further to being actually hateful towards men. And that's what I find troubling.
My impression wasn't that you found the post troubling, given the "if you agree, re-post it. It's that important" statement. If you do, I'd put in a disclaimer.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 03:03 pm (UTC)no subject
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 03:15 pm (UTC)i agree with the idea but ehhhhhhhh.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 05:04 pm (UTC)could a far-right group replace a few words, thereby making it about race and crime, and it would still be valid without considering, for example, structured inequality within society?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 09:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 01:52 am (UTC)It is a ludicrous piece of writing, from start to finish. I have consistently said that, and I will continue to do so. It doesn't hit the target audience (since apparently LJ is largely made up of slashers and gay men and Harry Potter fans, according to my flist) and the target audience wouldn't listen if they read it, or if it was read to them, or if it was tattooed on their foreheads. It stops jack.
It is equally insane to suggest that women don't need to have responsibility in the matter, that they can continue to swan through life like morons (and I don't care if it's not the rapee's fault, which I believe firmly, anyone stupid enough to, say, drink a quart of screwdrivers and go up to someone's room with them isn't exercising great judgement) and that a whole bunch of men won't rape them if they see a target.
I realise that rape is an issue that crosses gender lines, sex lines, and identity lines. Like you, I agree that that is upsetting, since male rape victims are actually even worse off than female ones. I am generalising by assuming that women are raped and men rape them. However, the point remains that I don't imagine this is reaching the target audience, and I do believe that it's teaching some people that they can be stupid and no one will rape them because everyone in the world got the same memo.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 05:22 am (UTC)i'd actually disagree with you there... i think lj is filled with a lot of crazies. i know there are a couple of people who used to be on my f-list who were accused of sexual assault, and imo were probably guilty, even tho they had a lot of friends saying omg if anyone KNEW you they'd KNOW you touching someone inappropriately and without consent is you being you! teehee. you are right, tho... people who live in a fantasy world like that aren't going to listen to a me-me.
I do believe that it's teaching some people that they can be stupid and no one will rape them because everyone in the world got the same memo.
i do think you're being a bit strong here; i think its main issue is that it's saying that watching out for one's personal safety isn't one's own responsibility, not that it's a free stupid pass.